It’s a rare person who stays exactly the same throughout his/her life. Circumstances do effect us, especially traumatic or dramatic ones. Other people can be positive or negative influences on us. Education can alter our views. It’s said that personalities are basically set before a child even starts first grade in school. But change is still possible, if someone wants that. My style of living changed when I was forced into living in my van. Some things reinforced how I already was and some things made me become different.
I think I’ve always been a minimalist. My former dwellings were sparsely furnished and I wasn’t much for knick-knacks. Having never been married, I didn’t get the accumulation that women seem more likely to add to a household. That definitely helped me when I became homeless. Most of what I had gathered over my lifetime was tools and I was able to sell them off. Now that I live in the van, there is a limit to how much I can carry, both weight-wise and space-wise. There are many living in vehicles that have not figured out how to part with possessions. You see them with storage containers on top, trailers pulled behind, lots of things hanging off the vehicle, and the interiors stuffed full of junk. I have no wish to live that way. My general rule is to get rid of a unneeded item whenever I acquire anything. So, if anything, I’ve become even more of a minimalist than before. Though, to be honest, I do have a fair amount of clothes. Summer clothes, winter, fatter, fitter, dress-up, work. It’s hard to eliminate too much more, or I’ll have to purchase replacements down the line.
The same with neatness. Ever since I started living on my own, I’ve been pretty focused on keeping the living space tidy and clean. But it is harder to do in my van. It’s way easy to track in sand, dirt, leaves, snow, or water; particularly when parked in nature. It’s also a necessity to have the front windows and/or roof vent open for fresh air and ventilation, which allows dust and insects easy access to the interior. Having such a small space, the smallest mess is magnified. I know that I’m even cleaner than before, but that doesn’t always seem the case to the causal glance.
I was somewhat more timid in my previous life. Sure, I had traveled a lot, but I had been hesitant to go out into nature for weeks at a time or to park in cities overnight, sleeping in my vehicle. There seemed to be so many dangers from tweakers, gangs, homeless, police, wild animals, and so on. For the first few weeks, or even months, I couldn’t get a sound sleep in most places; always worrying that someone was going to break in, do some vandalism, tell me to move on, and things like that. That is still a concern in new places for me, but I’ve grown more adept at finding safe places to sleep and have a long list of where I’ve been before without incident. The biggest danger is ulcers from worrying, so I try not to do that. My self-confidence has grown a lot.
Having Asperger’s and being frequently on the move, I thought I’d have a lot of trouble with a social life. That really hasn’t been the case. It seems that people are more willing to talk to a traveler living in a van, than I had thought. Many are curious about aspects of vandwelling and some are interested in me. It had gotten much easier for me to strike up a conversation or to respond to questions than in years past. 2 things have contributed to that, my couple years spent as a bartender and the last 5 years of working as a camphost. One-on-one conversations are what I prefer, not being in a large group or speaking to an audience. I know I have interesting topics to speak about, but also have an intense curiosity about others. My current mantra is “Shut-up, listen, and respond to what they say”. My former nature was to be more self-centered and trying to impress others, but I’m working on that, with some success.
I read a book 30+ years ago, called “Your Money Or Your Life” that was about the philosophy of living on less money. I still have it. The book has helped me over the years, but going broke and then living on a small income in the years following has reinforced how important it is to not just live within your means, but on less than you earn. And also how important it is to live a full life, spending mostly on what truly matters to you. I frequently remind myself of a large-scale study published on Forbes about the spending habits of the poor, defined as those earning less than $30k per year. The average poor person spends about 13% of their income on cigarettes, 13% on alcohol, and 16% on gambling. So, 42% on just those vices! Of course, there are many more bad habits to waste money on; drugs, pop, coffee, stripclubs, fast food, junk food, video games, expensive clothes, prostitution, make-up, jewelry, flashy vehicles, marijuana, etc. If those were added in, maybe 3/4 of that income is on unnecessary expenses. Sure, rent and buying a house is a lot of money, but would be more manageable if money was managed better.
I have taken these lessons to heart and can live on much less than most Americans. I still have my weaknesses; junk food, books, going to movie theaters, long vacations. But I budget for those and don’t go to excess. Books and traveling are very important to my happiness, and I have no intention of cutting them from my life. I know how to travel cheaply but happily, and can buy most of my books for a dollar or less from secondhand stores or libraries. My priorities are in the right place, I feel, so I cut myself some slack if I overspend a little on something I really enjoy. I once spent $95 on a Leonard Cohen concert, plus the airfare and hotel costs for a Vegas stay. But that was some of the best money I ever spent in my life, because I finally got to see my musical idol in person and had the best concert experience of my life. For me, money spent on all the other vices that I listed is not worth the small pleasures that they bring. In fact, most of them give me no enjoyment at all.
I feel more at peace since living in a van. There are still bad times, like when Kim was murdered or when I had internal shingles that nearly killed me. But life is simpler now and I have more free time. When I lived at the various houses that I owned over my lifetime, it seemed there was always work to do. Actually much was work that I created for myself. Mowing the grass, watering plants, sweeping the driveway and sidewalks, pruning fruit trees, washing house windows, cleaning the garage, vacuuming the carpet, pulling weeds, cleaning out the gutters, etc. I almost felt guilty if I rested! I also had the computer to play on, the TV to watch, the stereo to listen to, the dog to walk, meals to prepare, dishes to do…
But strangely, I was often bored and felt a need to seek out entertainment elsewhere. I went to the movies at least weekly, bought many newspapers per month, attended concerts, went to clubs, attended church, and ate out frequently. I was making good money but wasted so much of what I earned because of my restlessness, looking for pleasure and fulfillment. A woman recently posted in one of my groups that she just started vandwelling a couple months ago, but is still having trouble relaxing fully. She was so busy before that she feels guilty not doing much of anything. But she wants to read, enjoy nature, feel free to nap, meditate, and do nothing at times.
I would say that 95% of the time, I’m at peace with what I’m doing (or not doing). The stress of busyness has little place in my life and I refuse to apologize for how I spend my time. If I want to sleep in, read a book, stare into a campfire, or have a chat with a fellow traveler; that’s what I do. Part of that is because of getting older and feeling those former injuries, and some is because there isn’t that much that I have to do. But I don’t feel restless very often or the need to waste money on mindless entertainment. I don’t want to blow my budget, and extra money goes towards my travel fund or retirement plans. But it’s mostly because of my contentment.
It would be easy to become totally lazy, and maybe I’m partly there already. I do enjoy walks in nature or in city centers. This blog takes up some of my time, with each post taking me about 3-4 hours to write and edit. I think it’s time well spent and I’m my own biggest fan. Lol It is nice to have a reference guide now, when I forget some of my own history or thoughts. I can just use a keyword on my blog and look it up.
It does take a certain amount of time for daily chores; like showering, exercise, cooking, cleaning, brushing teeth, doing my contact lens. But that is minimal compared to what I used to do, when owning a house. I read a lot, with a mix of fiction and non-fiction. I love to study certain subjects like physics, philosophy, wisdom, even politics. And my time on YouTube is mostly learning about travel locations, vandwelling info, psychology, etc.
I believe I’ve become a better person in the last almost decade of living in a van. I’m more willing to laugh at myself, and think I’ve become humorous to others, as well (hopefully they aren’t just laughing at me!). Slowing down my life and actively seeking knowledge is beneficial. But there is always room for improvement. My personality has changed a little over the years, hopefully for the good. I’m more patient, more empathetic, more careful with my words, have more self-awareness. I’m FAR from perfect, but measuring against my earlier self, I have advanced some. Let’s see how the next 10 years change me.
The man who has no inner life is a slave to circumstances and his surroundings. – Henry Amiel
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