My friends were showing me some rural areas of Thailand. We spotted a little stand by the road, where fruit and fruit juices were being sold. It was a hot day and that sounded very good to us. So we pulled off and checked out their wares.
It was a middle-aged couple with a daughter who was maybe 20 years old. The daughter was a simple beauty but she had very deformed ankles and feet, that prevented her from walking. I think her parents pushed her home in a wheelbarrow contraption. The girl spoke a little English, the parents none. So I talked with the girl, while Rick and Toy spoke in Thai to the parents. I can’t remember what we talked about, besides the fruits that she was selling, but I do recall feeling sad about her limited options because of her handicap. It isn’t possible to help everyone, but if I could’ve paid for an operation to fix her feet, what a tremendous change that would’ve made in her life!
I talked about that to Rick and Toy as we prepared to leave, but they didn’t think much of the idea. They said that there are handicapped and needy people wherever you look in Thailand. Their Buddhist beliefs keep them resigned to their lot in life. To be honest, I likely wouldn’t be as affected by an ugly woman or a man in the same situation. Her beauty was a large part of the sympathy that I felt for her. Say that I did pay for the operation(s) that she needed and she was able to walk normally. Would I expect her to marry me in gratitude? If she did, would that be a good thing for either of us? Pity and a sense of debt is not a good basis for marriage. She was a simple farmer’s daughter, probably with scant experience with cities, let alone international travel. Her English was minimal and my Thai almost non-existent. Our lives were radically different.
Even say that I paid for her medical expenses and then vanished from her life. Physically, her life would be much better. But her life’s trajectory would also be different. Maybe she would leave her parents and move to a large city. Maybe she would become a prostitute, or marry an abusive man. Maybe she would become vain about her looks. Who knows!?
I do know that I spent large amounts of money and effort later, helping American women (and men) who showed little gratitude afterwards. I don’t think she would’ve been an ingrate like them. Looking back, I suspect I missed an opportunity to change a life for the good. And in doing so, I became vulnerable to less deserving women playing on my sympathy. Karma?
iggyvandweller 